“Beware of narcissistic people. They’ll tell everyone you’re crazy, only to cover up their trickery.”
This week I wanted to write about Narcissism. In particular the effects of suffering from narcissistic abuse as an immigrant daughter.
When we think of narcissism we might think someone who is vain and takes way too many bathroom selfies. However, this isn’t always the case. The pinnacle of this personality disorder is someone who lacks empathy, is manipulative and has a grandiose sense of self. As an empath and someone who absorbs other people’s emotions, I have always spoken in the language of emotion. So dealing with people who don’t want to understand others is deeply disturbing.
Understanding this personality disorder has allowed me to distance myself from people in my life who demonstrate a consistent pattern of manipulative behaviour. I have watched hours of videos on youtube around narcissistic relationships from Dr Ramani. Through educating myself I realised that in many of my relationships I was pouring support into those around me and receiving nothing back. If anything, I was pouring from an empty cup because I was investing hours providing support and feeling drained at the end. Being an immigrant daughter, I have been raised to be a people pleaser. This can make me more susceptible to enabling this abuse as I have been raised to put others needs before my own.
In the Red table talk episode with Dr Ramani (who is a licensed clinical psychologist), she spoke about how to spot a potential narcissist in your life. Firstly, do you feel a need to record them? This is a sign of someone who lies often and uses gaslighting as a form of humiliation. Hence the feeling that you need to record yourself so you don’t think you’re going crazy and they did in fact say those things. Secondly, you may have a narcissistic in your life if you feel the need to explain yourself in really long texts. This demonstrates a desire from victims to be heard, however, unfortunately, narcissists do not care to understand others.
Some of the devastating impacts of narcissistic abuse are that it can make you doubt yourself. To the point where victims of this abuse can’t trust themselves to make simple decisions like grocery shopping. What’s fascinating is that my body rejected these types of people before I even recognised what was going on. When these people would contact me, I would feel anxious and my heart would beat faster. Its almost like I was having a physiological reaction to them. When I would get off the phone, I would feel mentally and physically drained. It’s a lesson to learn that listening to our gut feelings and our body is so important. Especially since our minds can be manipulated but our instincts can’t.
Thanks for reading,
Red Table Talk : The Narcissism Epidemic
Youtube videos from Dr Ramani